We're comin' down the line. We're bringing you the Power!

When we were kids we watched a show on PBS called "The Electric Company." It was a pretty good show that went over the ins and outs of kummyunicatin' in English. We watched it all of the time... Not because we liked educational programming, because it was on during "Joker's Wild" which was a dumb show anyway.

Looking back on it, the Electric Company had lots of big-name players. Like Rita Moreno (of West Side Story fame...I think) and Bill Cosby.

Anyway, there was a recurring set of skits on this show starring Bill Cosby as a forgetful, confused not-so-super hero called "Super Guy" who would somehow teach a lesson in spelling or grammar during his skits. I remember one particular scene in which a guy dressed up like a roaring '20's Chicago mobster is flipping a coin saying with a bad (really awful) New York accent "Super Guy is a meatball." It came out more like "Shoopa-guy ish a meat-bowl."

Kurt and I thought this was the funniest thing we'd ever heard. We hunted up two flippin'-coins and started doing our best mobster impressions. First one of us would mimic the mobster, then the other, punctuated by minute-long uncontrollable spasms of manic laughter and searches under the couch for our coins. It's hard to catch a coin when you're laughing like an idiot.

We were busting each other up so bad that we could barely breathe. We would catch our breath just long enough to let go with another "Shoopa guy ish a meat bowl" and the cycle would start all over again. Our ribs and stomachs were cramping up from the violent laughter. That was funny too.

Of course, MY impressions were WAY better than Kurt's. But he still made me laugh until I thought I'd die.

We even turned the TV off because it was more fun to say "Shoopa guy ish a meat bowl" and laugh like imbeciles than it was to watch the boob tube. So you KNOW it was fun.

After about fifteen minutes of this, The house exploded into ominous footfalls. Mom had been sewing upstairs in a room just over the TV room where we were flippin' coins and insulting Shoopa-Guy, but now she was coming downstairs. And coming fast. One last "Shoopa guy is a meat bowl" and another blizzard of giggling.

She blew into the room like a tornado, I'd never seen her like this. She was slapping me with both hands until I put up my hands to defend myself, then she rapidly transitioned to slapping Kurt. As soon as Kurt stopped giggling and realized the gravity of the situation he put up his hands too... Of course I couldn't see Kurt get slapped unless I dropped my hands, so I did. That made me the next target of opportunity for Mom.

She went back and forth between us slapping and yelling WHATHAVEITOLDYOUABOUTTHATWHATDOYOUTHINKYOUAREDOINGDIDN'TITELLYOUNEVERTOTALKLIKETHATDIDYOUTHINKYOU'DGETAWAYWITHITDON'TYOUTHINKICANHEAR?!"

At this point both Kurt and I are two confused hombres. A minute ago we were practicing our best "New Yawk" accents on a line from a PBS show, and now we're getting slapped and yelled at in a foreign language (and all in capital letters). So both Kurt and I began yelling things like "WHAT? WHAT! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WE WERE JUST WATCHING TV!"

Mom halted her Sugar-Ray Leonard-like flurries but was still bellerin' things like "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING!"

Actually we didn't. Or at least we didn't realize that it was wrong. So we told her so. We put on our best "please-believe-me-and-don't-slap-me-anymore" faces. Since this was a first for us we evidently weren't very good at it. Nope. She wasn't buying it." DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO NEVER TALK THAT WAY?!"

"What?" Talk what way?"

The two of you were yelling "SUPER GUY IS A NEGRO” and then laughing like idiots."

We cleared it up pretty quickly after that with endless denial. Watergate was on TV around that time, so denial was at the forefront of the public psyche. I don't think Mom ever believed us though, because lying was at the forefront of the public psyche too. She was pretty sure of what she heard. If you quiz her today, she'll still swear we were calling Bill Cosby a negro.

C'mon, think about it. We all KNEW Super Guy was a Negro. That's not funny at all. But a MEATBALL...Yes siree, whoo-boy, that's comedy.

I wonder if Bill Cosby ever thought his "Super Guy" skits would get anyone slapped?

If I ever meet him I'm gonna yell "SHOOPA GUY ISH A MEAT BOWL!" and slap him silly until he says "uncle-b" in his best Mushmouth voice.

I can always plead insanity, and point to my tormented childhood.